Stillborn

A stillborn is when a fetus dies during birth, or when the fetus dies during the late stages of pregnancy when it would have been otherwise expected to survive.

The death of a baby brings many intense feelings.  Pregnant couples usually expect birth to be a joyful event, not a sad one.  A pregnant mother is supposed to protect and nourish her baby. When the baby dies some mothers wonder if something they did caused the baby's death or perhaps failed to do. However, babies usually die for other reasons. A doctor can help to provide explanations. There are many different reasons for stillbirth and the death of a newborn infant.  A Stillborn baby may be caused by injuries, illnesses, infections, placental detachment.  Birth defects and growth abnormalities of the fetus also can cause a stillborn situation.

Some parents may feel a strong desire to talk about their baby. It is natural for people who experience a stillborn to be around other people in the similar situation.  A spouse or a mother or father can help give tremendous support.  A support group, stillbirth message boards, stillbirth chat rooms, or hospital social worker is another great source for support.  Support groups usually come later since most families have other family members to help give immediate support.  However, after a few weeks most family and friends are able to get on with their lives and activities, whereas the stillborn mother may still feel she cannot get on with hers.

Everyone in the family is affected by the loss.  The husband also suffers after the death of a baby.  Both parents grieve, but the way they act and feel is not usually the same. Children also grieve for their baby sister or brother. Children at any age can be aware of their parents emotions and that definitely has an effect on their emotions. Children are encouraged to talk a lot, at home and at school.  Children usually ask a lot of questions and it helps to talk about what happened.  The baby's grandparents are also affected.  They grieve for their grandchild. They often suffer because their child is suffering. Sometimes relationships in a family become strained after a baby has died. It is helpful to talk through issues before they become problems.

Strength comes from pain and suffering.  Many parents feel that they have been emotionally strengthened by the experience of losing a baby. Though the whole process they learn more about themselves and what they really value. They find out just how much they can handle and who they can rely on when times are tough.  No longer do they take what they have for granted and they become more sensitive to their family and friends when they in turn have problems.

In the months and years after a baby is stillborn the parents may still note when their baby may have been walking or should have been going to school. Christmas and family birthdays may also be painful reminders of what should have been. Parents may feel particularly sad during these times. It is common for bereaved parents to remember and think about their dead baby for the rest of their lives.